i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
FUCK WHALES
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
