420 ftw
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
