we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
