I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
