Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
