I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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