First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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