And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
