Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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