I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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