She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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