The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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