everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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