im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
