I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
