Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
