Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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