I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
time to smoke my breakfast
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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