hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
