Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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