Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
