I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
