fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
