I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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