24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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