Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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