I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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