I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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