so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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