It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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