she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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