Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
