I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
