Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
