Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
