I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We don't watch enough power rangers
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
