he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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