i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
