i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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