dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
