I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I know her cup size but not her name....
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
