Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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