i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
