lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
