Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
