i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
