we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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