Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
