This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
