i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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