My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
