next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
