i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
