My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
