We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
