I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
