My friends, they love my intelligence
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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