I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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