Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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