Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
