Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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