pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
