I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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