we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
