go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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