He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
did i walk over a car last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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