Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Blood and glitter go together right?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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