its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
