why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
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Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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