one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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