His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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