you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
