Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
