THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
