Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
