Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
