Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
