Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
