I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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