Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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