dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
